a jealous man

this was my final project for my fiction class, its a fictional story based on a non fiction relationship. haha its a paradox. im doing a second revision on this so i apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors it has.(i'm hoping the italcized internal dialogue transfers over in the copy and paste process if not, sorry.)

A Jealous Man

What is she wearing? How can she do this to me again? Logan thought while he looked at Marie’s toned bronze thigh peeking out from under her floral sun dress. She’s not considering me again. He looked down at her again, his eyes narrowing in on her thigh.
“What is it?” she said her eyes widening looking confused and her fingers began to fiddle with the promise ring he had given her last year. He could tell she was trying not to bring attention to them because she lowered her voice. It was a Saturday night and their friends all had come over for dinner. They had enjoyed a nice meal of smoked salmon and salad and had all moved to the living room to discuss books.
Oh really? You don’t know? He said nothing but looked at her again his light brown eyes glaring at her exposed thigh and his long thin lips lowered into a frown. He was starting to feel agitated and he shifted uncomfortably on the black leather couch. Marie glared at him as the leather made a creaking noise as his jeans rustled up against it.
“Really, Logan? Not right now. We’re with friends,” Marie hissed starting to get irritated and she looked away from him putting on a big fake smile as she nodded in agreement with something one of her friends said.
So typical, it’s always about her. Why can’t it ever be about me? I don’t ask much. I just ask that she pay attention to me and not expose herself in front of our friends. Only I can look at her, no one else. Logan’s frown deepened and he began to feel anxious. He could feel his legs sweating up against the inside of his denim jeans. She was always trying to pretend that everything was ok in front of their friends. And it hurt him that she was more concerned about how their friends felt being around them than how he felt.
“Just pull your dress down a bit,” he whispered in her ear his heart starting to beat a little faster and the anxiety began to sweep in. “I don’t want my friends seeing you exposed.”
She said nothing but shifted slightly on couch and covered the exposed thigh with her sun dress. He could tell she was irritated because he felt her body tense up and become rigid like a statue next to him. He moved his hand on top of hers trying to grasp it. He just wanted to see that everything was ok, but her soft hand just lay limp in his and a frown began to form on her small pink lips.
So she’s going to play that game with me. Fine then, I’m not going to touch her either. I was just trying to be affectionate but clearly she doesn’t appreciate my kindness. Logan shifted again uncomfortably and moved his hand away crossing his arms. His frown deepening even more until he could tell that their friends noticed. He was mad and he wanted them to leave so he could talk things out with Marie and get her to see his way.
“Well, it’s getting late. I suppose we should be going,” said one of their friends awkwardly.
“Yes, us too,” said another friend and everyone got up. They all shuffled around gathering their things hastily and as they all threw on their coats and mumbled quick goodbyes they hurried out the door. After the last person had left and the front door to the small apartment shut with a soft thud, Marie slowly rose, her dark hair falling all around her like a waterfall as she stooped to pick up the mugs off the glass coffee table. Logan sat in the same spot on the couch he had been sitting the whole night and watched her as he fiddled with a stray thread on his jeans.
God damn, I need her.

How can he do this to me again? This is the third time this week. God, it’s so embarrassing. Why can’t he just let it go when our friends are over? I just don’t get him! Marie thought as she picked up the mugs from the coffee table and brought them over to the sink. As she walked back to the coffee table she looked over at Logan, who was sitting on the couch watching her looking sloppy in his plain white t shirt and blue jeans. Why does he watch me like that? It always makes me feel so uncomfortable.
“Well, that was a nice evening,” she said casually as she put the last mug in the sink and began washing them. She looked at the mugs in the sink avoiding his gaze.
“Yes,” he said quietly from the couch and she could still feel his eyes on her back as her hands fumbled around in the warm soapy water.
“I always enjoy it when we talk about books,” She said casually rinsing off a mug and setting it on the white counter. She picked up white mug with Edgar Allan Poe’s face on it and began washing it off with a pink sponge. Maybe if I divert his attention he won’t talk about it. Oh God, please don’t have him mention it, please. Not tonight. Please. I just want to have a good night tonight. It’s been so long.
“Yes, it was very nice,” he said curtly and she could hear the break in his voice and her hand tightened on the mug she was holding. Oh no. Here it comes…
“Marie, I’ve told you numerous times I don’t want you to wear that dress anymore!” he cracked at last his brown eyes flaming. “Why did you wear it tonight? You deliberately disobeyed me!”
“Jesus, Logan!” she snapped as she dropped the mug and it landed with a load crack that echoed from the steel bottom of the sink. “I’m your girlfriend! I’m not a child that you can just order around and tell them what they can or cannot do!”
“I do not order you around or tell you what you can or cannot do! I simply tell you how I feel and when things upset me!” he snapped back springing to his feet his head almost touching the circling ceiling fan.
Oh, he better NOT go there.
“Oh really?!? So telling me it HURTS your FEELINGS when I wear shorts when it is 100 degrees outside is NOT telling me what I can or cannot do? So it’s just sharing your FEELINGS?” Marie snarled turning off the sink and marching over to him and pointing a wet soapy finger at him in rage.
“I’ve told you before, you CAN wear shorts! You just can’t wear the shorts you OWN! They’re too short. You can go out and buy some that go to your knees and you can wear those when you get hot if you want!” He thrashed back and her brown eyes flared at him with hatred.
I need to get out. I need to get away from him! I need to think!
“You pompous asshole!” She sneered and she grabbed her brown leather purse off the dining room chair.
“Where are you going??” He said his eyes widening in distress and his voice breaking a bit.
“Out!” She snapped and opened the door and marched out slamming it shut with a bang. I’m so done.

She left. Where is she going? Oh my god. She left. She really left! Is she meeting up with a guy? Is she leaving me? I think she’s cheating on me. She has to be. Why else would she leave? She’s probably going to his house right. I bet she’s running into his arms crying and complaining about me. Then he kisses her and tells her everything will be ok and takes her into his bedroom. God, the thought of him touching her makes me sick!
Logan thought as he frantically paced around the living room panicking about what had just happened. His heart was racing and his palms were sweating as his breathing became more and more rapid. He began to feel light headed and he felt like he was about to throw up. He fell back onto the couch and the smell of her perfume hit his nostrils.
How could she do this to me? I never intended for this to happen. I just wanted to tell her how I felt. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a relationship? She is just too selfish to listen. She wasn’t always like this. She used to do anything I asked! She used to understand! It’s got to be the other guy! She’s in love with him! He’s changed her! She doesn’t care how I feel anymore because she has him! She doesn’t love me, she loves him. I must stop this! I cannot lose her! She’s everything to me. I need her to be happy!
He shoved his hand into his jean pocket and pulled out his iphone. Nothing. He felt a big kick in the stomach when he saw she had not even bothered to reach him. He put in his password and went to his phonebook and called Marie.
A picture of her smiling face popped up on his screen as the phone dialed. Logan looked at it for a moment while the call tried to connect. He loved her eyes the most. They were a warm chocolate brown and were almond shaped. He loved the way her dark bangs would fall into them when she would smile sheepishly. He loved to brush them away with his hand so he could see her eyes shining again brightly at him.
He had known from the moment he had seen her four years ago that he had wanted to be with her. She was everything he had ever wanted, she made the insecurities go away. She made him feel whole again.
Please answer, please answer, please! Logan put the iphone to his ear and listened to the series of rings, his heart beating steadily in rhythm with them. His cheek sweating onto the phone as he anxiously waited until the ringing stopped. He waited on bated breath until at last he heard her voicemail and his heart dropped with a thud.
“Hey guys, this is Marie. Just give me a call back and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can! Thanks!”
“Baby, it’s me. Please call me back. Please! I’m sorry about tonight. Just please let me know where you are. Please call me back, baby. I love you Marie so much!” Logan said frantically accidentally spitting a little on the screen as he hung up the phone.
Logan leaned back on the couch and tossed the phone on the cushion next to him and waited. Please, God .Please let her call me back. Please. I’ll do anything.

Seriously? He’s calling me again? My God, Logan, stop calling me. This is like the fifth time. Marie thought agitated as her phone lit up and started vibrating again and Logan’s face appeared on the screen. She just stared at the picture as the call got directed to her voicemail and a fifth voice message notification popped up on her screen. She exited it out and stared at the picture on the background of her phone and sighed sadly.
It was a picture of Logan around the time they had first started dating. She looked at his tan narrow face with his high cheekbones and his deep dimples that would form like wrinkles around the sides of his mouth when he smiled really big. She loved that smile but she hadn’t seen it in a long time.
She missed the way his light brown eyes would glimmer when he looked at her. And the way he would look at her with pure love and devotion in his eyes that made her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. She missed that man and she rarely saw him anymore. A lot had changed in the past year and she felt like Logan had lost himself along the way. God, I miss him. I wish he would come back and be happy and fun again. I still don’t understand why he changed. I just wish I could have the man I love back instead of having this monster.
“Do you want some hot tea?” asked Marie’s best friend, Veronica who came over to the couch offering her a steaming mug of hot tea.
“Yes, please. You’re the best,” she said smiling softly at her friend and taking the blue ceramic mug from her and blowing on it.
“What are you going to do, Marie?” asked Veronica her fierce green eyes looking at her concerned. “This is the third time this week you’ve come here. Not that I don’t love seeing you and having you over, but I’d rather see you under different circumstances and when you’re in a happier mood.”
Don’t remind me. I feel the same way.
“I don’t know,” sighed Marie sadly taking a sip of her tea and she pressed the button on her phone absentmindedly glancing to see if she had any more messages. Nothing.
“Well, have you thought about leaving him?” asked Veronica sipping her hot chocolate and twirling a strand of her dark hair between her fingers.
“Yes but I don’t know if I have the courage to or if I even could,” Marie said her eyes starting to well up with tears. “I just keep thinking about that time he broke up with me because I wouldn’t give him the password to my facebook and let him check my calls and text messages. And he said he couldn’t trust me and we broke up for two weeks. I was so miserable. I stayed in bed the whole time and hardly ate. I felt like I was going to die. I feel like I can’t live without him and be happy.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound very healthy,” said Veronica taking another sip from her mug and shifting slightly in her armchair.
“I know. I still resent him for that. But of course as always I forgave him and let him have his way,” sighed Marie feeling frustrated and slightly embarrassed. “He showed up on my doorstep begging me to come back saying, it was the biggest mistake of his life. And that he loves me, needs me, and that he would rather be dead then be without me. And he promised everything would be better I just had to consider his feelings more and he would work on himself. So I forgave him and moved in with him.”
“Yeah, I remember.” Said Veronica rolling her eyes slightly and Marie blushed feeling embarrassed looking down at her mug her cheeks pink.
Am I just a weak person? I just feel like I can’t leave him because I can’t bear to be without him because I feel like he’s the best I’m ever going to get. I just don’t want to be alone.
“Doesn’t he check your phone to see who you’re talking to?” asked Veronica seeing that Marie was feeling embarrassed.
“Yeah,” said Marie sheepishly still not looking at her friend and instead began to fiddle with the ring on her ring finger. “He checks my inbox and sentbox every night. I don’t talk to very many guys because it’s just easier not to, but the few I do I just change their names to girl names on my phone. Thankfully, he doesn’t read the messages most of the time so he hasn’t caught on yet.”
“Marie, that’s crazy. He doesn’t trust you. How can you have such a serious deep relationship with someone for almost four years but there’s no trust? That’s insane!” said Veronica and Marie could tell her friend was starting to get frustrated with her. Oh please don’t lecture me, not tonight. It’s been a long night already.
“I know, I know. My parents say the same thing. They hate him. It’s just I love him so much! He makes me feel like I’m the most amazing girl in the world. I mean yeah, he checks my phone and my facebook, but he does take me out to really nice restaurants. He writes me poetry and songs. He constantly tells me how much he loves me and how I mean the world to him. That’s really hard to find in a guy, you know,” sputtered Marie trying to justify herself and she could see Veronica’s eye brows raise slightly. “Besides, he wasn’t always like this, it’s just been this past year that he’s been like this. I keep thinking it’s a just phase or something and that he will go back to how he used to be eventually.”
“Perhaps.” Said Veronica lightly and Marie could tell she was holding her tongue trying to be nice. The two girls remained silent for a little while sipping their drinks. Marie finished the last of her tea and breathed in the strong smell of peppermint. She picked up the soggy string of the tea bag and moved it around in her mug thinking while Veronica started cleaning up.
I just love him so much. He makes me feel like I’m special, like I deserve to be loved. He’s my reason to smile. I miss sharing whole pepperoni pizzas with him while we watch rented movies. I miss going for walks through the park holding hands and how he would sneak me kisses when I wasn’t looking. I miss lying under the cool sheets of our bed all afternoon in the summer talking about philosophy and the way the world is. I miss the way we were.
“I am so utterly unhappy.” Marie said at last sighing and Veronica came over and sat next to her on the couch tears welling up in her green eyes.
“I know.” Was all she said as she put a loving arm around her friend. Marie closed her eyes resting her head on Veronica’s shoulder and cried. The warm wet tears rolling silently down her cheeks. I feel so lost and so alone. When does enough turn into enough? Is this out of control? When do I just give up? He is like a drug to me. He can get me so high but when I fall, he can make me fall so low.

She’s not answering her phone. I’ve called her five times. She’s definitely with him. She’s probably in bed with him right now. He’s probably kissing her body and telling her she’s beautiful. I bet her eyes are shining and she’s looking at him with that look she used to give me! I feel so sick. So utterly sick. God, I just want out of this misery! I wish I didn’t have to think!
Logan threw his phone down on the couch and grabbed his light brown hair by the roots and groaned. She had been gone for over three hours and he had not heard from her at all. His heart was racing and he felt absolutely sick to his stomach. The only thing he could think about was another man touching her and the thought of that made his heart break into pieces.
If only I knew where he lived. I would drive over there myself and punch this guy in the face.
As Logan was conspiring he heard the lock click on the front door and he watched the door knob turn slowly. His heart leaped and he stood breathlessly waiting.
“Hey,” Marie said quietly coming through the door putting her purse on the kitchen counter lightly.
She’s back! And she’s been crying.
“Hey,” said Logan his breath coming back steadily and he saw black around her puffy eyes from where her mascara had smeared. “Where were you? I was worried sick! I called you five times.”
“I know. I just needed some space,” she said sitting down lightly on the edge of the couch putting her hands between the folds of her dress. Logan sat down next to her. He felt his anger start to melt away just seeing her look so sad and desperate.
“You know I love you, right?” he said softly putting his arm around her small frame. “I love you more than anything. Marie, you are my world. I need you, baby. Please don’t run off like that on me again.”
Marie said nothing just sat at the edge of the couch still as stone. Logan began to feel a little nervous and he moved his face close to hers to try and nuzzle her cheek with his nose affectionately. He brushed his lips upon against her soft cheek and her smell intoxicated him. He kissed her lightly but she didn’t soften and he stiffened up a bit. Why is she acting like this? There’s something different about her.
“Is everything ok?” Logan asked taking his arm off her starting to feel anxious and insecure.
“Yeah.” She replied emotionlessly and she started fiddling with the bottom of her dress refusing to look at him.
She has been with another man! She’s acting so different! She feels guilty for what she has done! I knew it! I knew she would do this to me! I can even smell him on her!
“So what’s his name?” Logan asked maliciously moving away from her on the couch not even wanting to touch her.
“His name? What? What are you talking about?” she asked confused and he saw her begin to tense up.
“The other guy! The guy you’ve been seeing behind my back! The one you are cheating on me with! Your lover!” he snapped flying to his feet his anger boiling over its breaking point but he didn’t care anymore. “I knew you would do this to me! I knew you would break my heart! And all those times you’d tell me you loved me and that I was your world I knew they were lies! Lies! Everything you ever said to me was a lie! You never really loved me!”
At first she just looked at him shocked and uncertain what to say. Her big brown eyes becoming huge like orbs. Logan glared at her his eyes shining except this time with hatred not love. He felt the veins in his neck popping out pulsating as his heart beat furiously and he panted with rage.
“You are… I don’t even know what to say.” She said at last shocked and at a loss for words, “you’ve lost your mind!”
“I have not! You’re the cheater!” he said viciously pointing an accusatory finger at her spit flying from his mouth and his face beat red.
“You know what, Logan! I’m done! I’m through! I’m tired of all the shit you’ve put me through! All my friends were right about you! I deserve better than this!” She yelled getting off the couch yanking the silver promise ring off her finger. “We’re through!”
She hurled the ring at him and it hit him square in the chest. She grabbed her purse off the counter and marched over to the front door and without even a last glance she wrenched it open and walked out slamming the door shut as she left. Logan stood still his chest still stinging lightly from the impact of the ring and the sound of metal hitting the hard wood floor still echoed through the silence that now stood thick in the air. She’s gone. She’s really gone.
He looked down at the silver ring lying on the dark hard wood floor and bent down to pick it up. He held the small band in between his fingers and looked at it gingerly. The small red ruby set into the silver twinkled at him in the light from the ceiling fan. He moved it around his fingertips and it winked at him. He then moved his gaze from the ring to the closed front door and stood transfixed in horror.
My God, what have I done?

suicide man

Author's note: I wrote this for my fiction class yesterday in about twenty minutes, I'm not sure where I am going with it and I will probably revise things but this is the first draft.

I don’t like milk in my cereal, I eat it dry and people think it’s weird. I separate my food on my plate because I don’t like the different food groups to touch. I do not eat with sporks, they freak me out. I eat my food in order of hot to cold because luke warm food is nasty. I hate showering past 9:30 p.m. because then my hair cannot air dry before midnight and it puts my sleeping schedule completely off by at least half an hour. I don’t like to leave the house to go out with friends past 8:00 p.m. and if I am already out with friends I must be home by 9:00 p.m. or 9:30 p.m. if I am having extra fun. This is very rare.

I hate the color purple and I refuse to wear it or have any of it in my presence. I eat parmesan flavored goldfish only and I will only eat them if it is between the hours of 5:00 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. I wake up at approximately 7:31 a.m. and at 8:01 a.m. I excrete my waste. I will only watch movies with Morgan Freeman in them. And I do not drink pineapple juice.

I have a fear of sprinklers and I avoid using sidewalks when they are on. I also have a fear of driving in cars especially small cars. I do not use three ring binders I only use composition books but they must be college ruled. I am very clean and I deep clean my apartment twice a day, this even includes polishing the floors. And last but not least I do not drink orange juice with pulp in it.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m so alone but then I remind myself it doesn’t matter. Talking to people makes me feel uncomfortable. People don’t understand me and my routines, phobias, and ticks. They think I’m weird and have an inferiority complex. Perhaps they are right but the thing that they don’t understand is I am smarter than I look. And today is my day.

After twenty one long years of being afraid of everything and living in such rigidity I have decided to put an end to it all and take my own life. I have carefully and thoroughly thought it through and not a corner has been overlooked! When I do things, I do them right and thoroughly. Perhaps that is the obsessive compulsive part of me.

I decided that today after my Personality Theories class I would go back to my apartment as I always do. And I would make myself a turkey sandwich with two slices of turkey and two slices of swiss cheese with mustard on the left bread slice only and eat my lunch while I watch House. After lunch I would go back to my room and swallow a whole bottle of advil and lay on my bed and wait for the inevitable. And then at last I would have peace!

So I did that and I’m still here! I don’t understand what went wrong! One moment I was laying on my bed my stomach full of advil and stupid smirk on my face and then I passed out and the next thing I know I wake up in the same spot and it’s like nothing happened! I figured that I must have not take enough so the following Tuesday I tried again. I made my turkey sandwich with two slices of turkey and two slices of swiss cheese and mustard on the left bread slice only and watched House and then swallowed three bottles of advil. I laid on my bed and waited and passed out.

BUT I’M STILL HERE!!!!!!!

So then it got me thinking! Maybe advil wasn’t strong enough maybe I needed something more potent! So I went into my kitchen and kneeled down and rummaged around looking for something poisonous under my sink and found some drain-o! I had seen the movie Heathers and how Christian Slater’s character had killed the popular girl Heather by putting draino in her drink so I figured this must work! So I hastily poured myself a nice full glass of draino and swallowed the disgusting liquid and it made me gag.

I began throwing up violently and I couldn’t stop myself. I threw up all over my kitchen counter, my kitchen table, and all over the rug. This drove me insane because I absolutely hate mess and I desperately wished I would stop so I could clean it up. After I finished retching I began to feel light headed and I fell to the ground and everything went black.

I woke up again in what seemed only a few hours to my kitchen completely a mess and covered with vomit. I was livid.

“WHY CAN’T I DIE?????” I wanted to scream and I began pulling my hair out in chunks. It had worked for Christian Slater but why hadn’t it worked for me!

I began pacing around my kitchen grunting and panting in frustration. My mind was racing with thoughts of what was going on. I had swallowed a total of four bottles of Advil and had drank Drain-o. Why wasn’t I dead? Was I immortal? Or worse was I so incompetent that I couldn’t even commit suicide right? I longed for answers. After I thoroughly cleaned my kitchen and returned it to its usual perfect pristine condition I decided to make a list.

I made a list of ten different ways to commit suicide and I decided to embark on them and try them all. First I filled up my bathtub with water and then I plugged my toaster into the wall plug and got into the tub. I then shampooed my hair twice and rinsed thoroughly both times. Then after I had lathered soap onto my sponge and washed my body I dropped the toaster in. There were sparks and steam everywhere and I felt my body began to convulse violently due to the high amounts of electricity coursing through me. And then the power went out and I fell into darkness.

I’m still hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Next I threw myself off a five story building. I landed on a nice little Russian man’s car and after I came to I gave him my insurance card and assured him that I would pay for the damages. Next I ran onto the highway when a six wheeler was roaring down the road and it hit me dead on and I flew right into a cow pasture and broke the farmer’s fence. I got up and brushed myself off and one of the cows looked at me and mooed. I left my card on the fence and apologized to the truck driver and went back home to make a grilled cheese sandwich.

Next I bought a shot gun. I had been reading a lot of Ernest Hemingway around this time and really admired his work. I had heard that he had killed himself with a shotgun so I figured I’d give it a try. I sat in my bathtub (cause I had learned that suicide can really make a big mess) and put the barrel in my mouth and pulled the trigger. My jaw hurt for about week after that attempt.

I was beginning to get tired and was started to run out of ideas. I had drank draino, cyanide, rat poison, ammonia, gasoline, nail polish remover and many other chemicals. I had jumped off buildings, bridges, boats, roofs, and even a hot air balloon. I had gassed myself in my garage, cut my wrists, taken acid, taken tons of prescriptions, mixed prescriptions with alcohol, and shot myself with a variety of guns. I just could not seem to die!

Everywhere I looked around me people were dying. It was all over the news and even happening in my family whether it was accidents, murders, or suicides. And I just could not understand why me of all people seemed to be spared.

a midsummers night dream

I try to live off those last moments of when I was with you
those times when I knew how to live and who I was
and now I stand many months down the line
someone new's hand in mine
I wish I knew who I was.

I don't enjoy the same things anymore
the music, the books, the jokes, the plays.


I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling
down the rabbit hole and back again
I'm battered and I'm broken.

I look in the mirror and all I see is
YOU!

I want to have a voice
I want to speak
I will not be forgotten.


I'm lost, I'm abandoned, I'm gone
I'm consumed and all there is
is you.

I wish I could take back all the memories
of the times I once knew
and throw them all back at you
so they all come crashing down
and destroy everything we once knew.

this is it

I think I'm about ready
to stand up on my own two feet
to look my enemies in the eye
and review back to that past time
I'm ready to go at this
and fight my battles solo
It's time that I finally
face my ghosts and live this life alone.

taking the steps

So I stand here now, at the cusp of a new dawning time
Every season is a new change
every new moment, is a moment I didn't have before.
I'm moving forward without looking behind
I won't be peering over my shoulder any longer
No more dwelling on the time I had before
I'm taking steps to further enlightenment
and I'm leaving the past behind
I'm making choices primarily for me
I'm ready and full of strength
For the first time in my life
I'm feeling confident and at peace
I'm my own woman and I'm so full of dreams.

no title

I can't write about you anymore, I don't want to write about you anymore
I'm tired of you in my brain, I'm tired of you in my dreams
Why can't I find solitude even in the darkest time of day
You're still there haunting my days, why won't you go away?
You're not my one love anymore, you didn't even love me as it were
what we had was real but so premature, there's nothing like it anymore
And I still look to the day, when I see your face again
I can't wait to look at it with spite and say
We never were right and I wasted my time of day.

5.9.10

How does it feel to have her on your arm?
How would you feel if you saw my face again?
Would it wake up something inside of you?
Am I still the only one you've ever loved?

How does it feel to play my old role?
How does it feel to know you were last resort?
Does he look at you like he did at me?
Could he ever love you like he loved me?

How does it feel to know I've found someone else?
How does it feel to know I look at him that way you loved?
Do you know that he's everything you never were?
Would it hurt you to know he may be my one?

It's been half a year since we kissed.
This is the longest we've ever been apart
Does it hurt you to know I'm better off like this?
Would it bother you to know that I've never felt like this?

For the first time since I met you I am truly at peace.